Dispatch from the Front Lines…
This morning, the annual struggle between snow and driveway has at last begun. We have waited in full readiness, snowblower maintenance performed, gas can filled and Sorels at the ready.
The Green Guardian has been tuned up, turned out, fueled and at Defcon 3 since early November. And today, at long last, it was unleashed against the white, fluffy foe. Both man and machine performed at peak levels, dispatching the enemy in short order. The battle, having once been joined, was quickly and efficiently brought to a triumphant conclusion.
We are under no illusion that the war is over. This is but the preliminary skirmish in what is sure to be a long campaign. Even now, our adversary is preparing for the next assault in the West and North.
But let there be no mistake about our objective: if you seek combat, we will oblige. The Green Guardian and I are standing on the battlements ready and even eager for the next engagement. We have no doubt that we will repel your blizzards, whiteouts and accumulations. And we shall be victorious each and every time, keeping the vital driveway out of your snowy clutches, until you at last withdraw your forces and warmth returns to Minnesota.
We have bloodied your runny nose, and there is more where that came from. So, snow on…if you dare.
The Green Guardian and I are ready and willing.
The most snow in a 24 hour period for Minnesota: 36 inches on January 7, 1994.