- Just 1 hour to Wisconsin Cheese Parlors.
- Four glorious seasons: Raking, Shoveling, Slush, Road Repair.
- Former Governors named “Arne”, “Orville” and “Jesse”.
- Scenic Mountains: Never had ’em, never will.
- All-U-Can-Eat Snowcone Parlors.
- Mall of America: designed by Yugoslavians, built by Canadians, frequented by Norwegians.
- World-renowned bland cuisine.
- Unlimited opportunities for creation of avant-garde snow angels.
- Not crowded with tourists.
- Kids freeze free!
General Custer once accidentally shot his own horse during a buffalo hunt.