Town Hall Throw Down!

The big meeting room at the Hectorville Town Hall and Convention Center was the scene of a bare knuckles verbal battle last Wednesday. Promoted as a Town Hall Meeting with the candidates for the 42nd Congressional District, H. Bud Plackner and Clarence Lingermueller instead turned it into a Pier 6 brawl, a war of words, a struggle of syntax, a battle of banalities and ultimately, a two-pronged offensive of obfuscation.

In theory, the candidates were there to answer questions put to them by voters. But in the event, both men picked up where they had left off during their August debate. Every question was turned into a vicious attack on the opponent, and the voters took note.

“These knobs can’t seem to answer even the simplest of questions without hurling insults at the other guy.” said one voter. Another opined, “My frustration grew with each word out of their mouths. Idiots!” Still another added, “I pray it’s not too late for someone else to enter the race. Anyone else.”

Both Plackner and Lingermueller were unapologetic, each asserting that the other started it. This continued the schoolyard theme that the candidates had taken all night. Retorts such as “Did not!”, “You wish!”, “Liar Liar Pants on Fire!” and “Shut up, YOU are!” peppered the proceedings.

Perhaps the best recap of the evening was offered by 6-year-old Trevor Jorgensen as he left with his parents. “That was embarrassing,” said young Trevor. “Where am I supposed to find the excellent adult role models that will shape my outlook on politics in particular, and life in general?”

Where indeed, Trevor. Where indeed.

Today’s Fact-Cetera

Morology is the study of ridiculous conversations.

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