How Ironic

If you have any doubt that Irony is the Grand Unifying Principle of the Universe, consider these stories from the news:

  • A 60-year-old violinist who was suing a music competition for age discrimination, claimed the 88-year-old judge presiding over his case was too old.
  • The former head of the Gainesville, Fla., chapter of Mothers Against Drunk Driving was pulled over for driving erratically. The results from a pair of breathalyzer tests were .234 and .239.
  • A motorcyclist participating in a protest ride against helmet laws in upstate New York died after he flipped over the bike’s handlebars and hit his head on the pavement.
  • A truck driver for Milwaukee’s WDJT-TV was covering a story on ice safety for snowmobile riders when she inadvertently drove her truck into a thinly iced-over lake.
  • Mitt Romney famously disparaged Obama as the candidate of the 47%. In the final count of the popular vote, he won 47%.
  • Jimi Heselden accidentally drove his Segway off of a cliff into a river, where he was declared dead at the scene. He was the owner of the Segway company.
  • Two robbers leaving a Milwaukee jewelry store with cash and gems were robbed by another group of thieves as they left the crime scene.
  • The owner of Top Gear Autoworks, an automotive service, repair and storage shop in Minneapolis, was charged with insurance fraud and unauthorized use of a motor vehicle after hitting three trees and two light poles in a city park while driving a customer’s Lamborghini. The Top Gear Autoworks website declares: “What makes us different? In a word . . . ethics.”

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Solutions to “Match Wits With The Inspector”

The Case of the Bingo Blackmailer: The Inspector knew that Hildie Goertermeyer was behind her own blackmail plot for three reasons: 1) She was overheard at Bingo saying, “I could really use 50 grand.” 2) She was holding a scissors when The Inspector arrived; and 3) Her trash was full of cut up copies of People and Us magazines.

The Case of the Fleagle Fortune: The Inspector knew the location of the missing diamonds because he saw a lump in the otherwise pristine sofa.

The Case of the Murdered Maestro: The Inspector suspected the Maestro hadn’t been murdered because his personal assistant said he had a habit of climbing on an ironing board and performing hand stands.

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Today’s Fact Cetera

Calvin Coolidge had a pet bobcat named Smokey.

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