A Embarrassment Of Choices

Voters often complain that there are no real choices in elections. Well, not so when it comes to the race to be Mayor of Minneapolis. 35 aspiring vote-hounds are vying to be the next leader of the City of Lakes, and what a star-studded lineup it is!

No matter what you look for in a candidate, you’re sure to find it among this diverse crop.

Value political experience? There are four former or current City Council members on the ballot, one former County Commissioner, one Park and Recreation board member and one political appointee.

Think government needs more businesspeople? You’re in luck! Choose from two business owners, a CPA, a couple of lawyers and a Director of accounting and finance.

Looking for a working-class Mayor? How about a waiter, a nurse, a baggage handler, a factory worker, an unemployed cab driver, a maintenance supervisor, a farmer or a bakery-deli staff member?

Miss the good ol’ days of Scandinavian-centric elections? There are two Andersons and an Ole.

Have a thing for “J” names? You can cast a vote for Jackie, James, Jimmy, Joshua, Jeffrey, Jaymie or one of the two Johns.

Believe that having three names adds gravitas? Well, may I present John Leslie Hartwig, Christopher Robin Zimmerman, John Charles Wilson and Jeffrey Alan Wagner.

Changed your mind and want something simpler? Please select from Bill, Doug, Don, or Dan.

Like Bobs and Marks? We’ve got two of each.

Perhaps a swashbuckler is more to your liking? You have Kurtis Hanna from the Pirate Party, or Captain Jack Sparrow of the Count All Rankings Party.

Looking for wisdom that comes with age?  There are ten candidates over 60, and two over 70.

Or is it youthful energy you seek? There are four hopefuls under 40, and one under 30.

Prefer a snappy nickname? May I suggest Abdul “The Rock” Rahaman or Bob “Again” Carney Jr.

Concerned about confusion? You should be! There’s a Woodruff and a Workcuff, a Troy and a Tony, a Cyd and a Cam, a Kahn and a Rahn, and a Fine, a Lane and a Mann.

Attention, Minneapolis votes! Election day is less than a month away! Start studying now!

asd

Today’s Fact Cetera

In 1919 a Minneapolis factory turned out the nation’s first armored cars.

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3 Comments

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3 responses to “A Embarrassment Of Choices

  1. Bev

    Thanks for the heads up on the timing but…I feel more confused than usual so many names & choices however.. I think I may have to go with Capatin Jack Sparrow how can you loose with that handel?
    and the Count All Rankings Party you gotta love it

  2. Bev

    spelling has never been one of my strengths I meant to say handle oops!

  3. CRZ

    I’ve been profiling all 34 of my opponents on my Facebook “campaign” page. I’ve got 10 left, I think.

    I’m ALMOST as cynical as you are, but you might get a few yuks out of it.

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